Who You Gonna Call?
by Imagination Live
Summary: "What?" "Yes..." "Wha-wha-but you never want to go to counseling Sephiroth!" Sephiroth crossed his arms "And is that a bad thing Angeal?" Angeal tried to suppress his shock "N-no. It's not, but, wait, Sephiroth what happened?" definite crack fic! Lol rated T to be safe, it could be K plus, I'm not quite sure. AU, slight pairing but doesn't have to do with the story line.
1. Who you gonna call?

"What!?"  
"Yes..."  
"Wha-wha-but you never want to go to counseling Sephiroth!"  
Sephiroth crossed his arms "And is that a bad thing Angeal?"  
Angeal tried to suppress his shock "N-no. It's not, but, wait, Sephiroth what happened? Are you okay? Are you feeling well?" Sephiroth started to make odd grunting noises. "Ah- Are you laughing?" Sephiroth then flung his arms around Angeals neck, sobbing uncontrollably. Oh good Gaia, what happened to him? The only other time I've seen him cry is when his chocobo ran away on that mission... But, at that time, Hojo was experimenting with his meds, so... "Sephiroth calm down, what happened?"  
"I-I think I'm haunted! Geal, I swear I-I.." He choked out.  
"Breathe, tell me, what happened?" He said, patting the generals back.  
He took a deep breath "I-I saw... S-Something outside my window two weeks back, so I-I went to investigate, and... Noth- nothing was there..."  
"On your balcony? What did it look like? Is that all that happened?"  
"It-it looked like a-a sh-shadow figure, staring at me, I saw it out of the corner of my eyes, then... When I looked at it closer it-it-it-" He burst out sobbing once more.  
"Shhhh... Shhhh... What did it do Sephy?"  
"IT DISAPPEARED!"  
Angeal was utterly confused A 'Shadow Figure' upset him? "Are you sure you weren't seeing things?"  
"I'm- I'm sure! And after that it started following me, doing the same thing, disappearing when I looked at it! Then..."  
"Then what?"  
"Things disappeared here, and reappeared there, some didn't even come back at all, and when I came back to the appartment things were rearranged!"  
"Are your medications right? Have you been taking them? Have you been using any substances or-"  
"No, Geal! I made sure!" He started throwing a fit.  
"Okay, okay calm down."  
"...Why don't you believe me?"  
"It's not that I don't, I just... Want to make sure first." I don't get this at all! He's killed monsters, fought horrid beasts, and this upsets him? Then something dawned on him "Sephiroth, are you afraid of ghosts?"  
Sephiroth looked a little embarrassed, and meekly replied "...Yes..."  
Angeal bit down his laughter as best as he could "Do you need someone to stay with you for awhile?" He replied half jokingly.  
Sephiroth threw his arms around him again "You would? Really? Thank you, thank you!"  
Zack suddenly burst in "Angeal! Guess what, guess what!?" He looked at Sephiroth who jumped back from Angeal in surprise, then a light flickered "Were... Were you two... Hugging?" He scanned Sephiroth's face "And, have you been crying?"  
Sephiroth tried his best at a usual gruff sarcastic remark but failed ultimately, making it sound a little more high-pitched than intended "Of course not! You buffoon!"  
"Zack, come here, and shut the door," Angeal said.  
"Angeal is this necissary?" Angeal gave Sephiroth a glance.  
"Uhhh... Okay...?" He walked towards the Generals desk, plopping down in one of the General's armchairs, rubbing the burgandy velvet with his hand as usual and saying "Ohhh... Soft..."  
"Zackary Fair!" Angeal exclaimed.  
"Whattttttt?" He whined.  
"Focus! Me and Sephiroth need your help."  
Zack's attention perked up "Really? What for?"  
"Sephiroth's having a problem..."  
"Uh-huh?"  
"He seems..." He looked over at Sephiroth "To have a poltergeist issue."  
"Really!? Wait what do you need me for?"  
"Well, I was wondering if you could use some of your spying equipment, to capture this... Poltergeist, on film."  
"Seriously!? Aww man this is awesome! But I need to call in a team."  
"No way! Angeal, stop this now!"  
Angeal sighed and looked over at Sephiroth "Sephiroth, do you want this problem solved?"  
Sephiroth looked like he was struggling over the most difficult decision of his life, after a moment he sighed "...Fine."  
Zack let out a girly squeal "Zack, this mission must be completed with absolute discretion, pick your, 'team' wisely, or Sephiroth won't be the only one to have your head. Which means no one, absolutely no one, must see you performing this mission."  
"Why so secretive?" Zack asked curiously.  
Sephiroth shifted uncomfortably, and Angeal cleared his throat. For the second time that day it clicked "Oh, my, god... Sephiroth's afraid of ghosts!?"  
"Zackary you tell anyone and I will make you suffer the most brutal and painful death imaginable, they will never find your body! You hear me!?" Sephiroth roared, making Zack sink in his chair with an Eeeep! "Do you!?" Zack only nodded. "Good." Apparantly no one noticed Zack cross his fingers.  
Angeal then informed him on the details of the mission. "Understood?"  
"Yes, sir!"

At the usual spot Zack found Cloud, and Reno. Strangely enough the trio stayed there until right before the lockdown evey night at midnight. It was close to 11:30pm already so the street was dimly lit by street lamps. "You guys, you guys guess what!?" The glee was practically seeping from his pores.  
"Yo?" Reno replied then resumed his cigarette.  
"What is it this time Zack?"  
"I just got assigned an epic mission of epic proportions and you two are gonna take part!"  
Reno and Cloud gave eachother a look "Uhhh- we aren't SOLDIERS how do we take part?"  
Zack squealed "So then you'll do it!?"  
"I never said that! What is it?" Cloud returned.  
"Yeah, what is it?" Reno asked.  
"Well... It requires skills we all have..." They gave him a look like 'Go on' "... Sephiroth has a ghost haunting him, and they want us to capture it on film!" He said all in one breath, fortunately they've been around him long enough to not need him to repeat himself.  
"I'm in! But I better get time off from all my other duties!" Reno said finishing off a cigarette.  
"Already done! So it's unanimous! We start now!"  
"Hey! I never said I would!" Cloud shouted.  
"I know, I'm excited too! What should we name ourselves? I think... Hmm... The Midgar Paranormal Society! MPS for short!"  
Cloud let out a large sigh "Whatever, at least I won't get in trouble this time..."  
"Thats the spirit!"  
"Hmmm... I like the name, has a nice ring to it Midgar Paranormal Society!" Reno said enthusiasticaly. "Do we blow anything up though?"  
Zack tried to think "Hmm... Maybe..."  
Reno rubbed his hands together and whistled "The perfect job!"  
"This most definately will end badly..." Cloud said to himself.  
"Now for the details; 1. We stalk Sephiroth with videocameras and try to catch something, 2. We set up cameras in his appartment!" He then burst out laughing, "I even convinced Sephiroth to let us put one in the bathroom!"  
Cloud raised his eyebrows "Uhhmm- why would we want to do that?"  
"Get your mind outta the gutter Cloud! Wow, you are such a closet perv, seriously! To spy of course, we aren't gonna watch him use the toilet or anything!" Zack exclaimed.  
Me the perv? Your the one who wants to spy on him in the bathroom! Cloud thought irriatated.  
"Anyways back to the plan! 4. no 3. We do some EVPs and other things... Cloud, you do the ghost sweep, with me, Reno your in charge of the cameras!"  
"Yo, I wanna be in on the action!"  
Zack put his hands on Cloud's shoulders from behind. "Yeah but we don't want our poor friend here to follow those kinds of dreams..."  
"Seriously Zack, I'm not gay!"  
Zack failed to whisper to Reno "He's in denial..." To Cloud he said "It's okay buddy, I believe you..."  
Cloud shook his head Seriously!? Now he thinks I'm gay!? "You do know there is a girl I like right?"  
"You do!?" He turned Cloud to face him grabbing his shoulders "Name! Name!"  
"...Tifa..." He replied blushing.  
"Hallelueigh! Thank you god!" Zack said relieved raising his hands in the air.  
"Zack, you homophobic?" Reno asked. "Thats not cool man..."  
Zack stopped abruptly and shot out an answer "No! Why would you ask that?"  
"Your agnostic."  
"&$^%... I deny all accusations! You sir," He pointed at Reno "Are a slanderous fool! I will not let you ruin my honor!" Zack said starting to babble.  
"Woah, woah, calm down, sheesh, everyone has their own opinions, sorry..." Reno said.  
Immediatly Zack became cheery again "Let's go team! Who you gonna call! Midgar Paranormal Society!" He started walking away swinging his arms and singing his tune.  
Cloud looked at Reno "He has issues..."  
"... Yeah, you should tell Angeal his psych meds aren't working again..."  
"Will do!"


	2. Pure Terror

"Okay, we need to set up cameras here, here, here, and-"  
"Zack, stop pointing and show us!" Cloud interupted.  
"Geez... Fine... Here.." He then proceeded to walk throughtout the appartment and balcony.  
"Was this really such a good idea?" Sephiroth asked Angeal, as they surveyed the team.  
"Well, if you want to figure out what it is, then yes."  
Sephiroth sighed "...Hey, don't put a camera in my shower or in view of the toilet!"  
"Sorry, Sephy is here better?" Zack asked.  
"No! You can still see the toilet through the mirror numbskull!"  
"Then here?"  
"Fine... And don't call me 'Sephy' puppy!"  
They finished placing the cameras "Phew, all done." Zack said plopping onto Sephiroth's velvet couch and doing the same routine. "Oh, by the way,we don't have any ghost hunting equipment, just spying... We'd really need some, to do a 'proper' ghost hunt..."  
Angeal sighed and rubbed his temples "Fine, what do you need?"  
"A thermal imaging camera, two tape recorders, a night vision camera, a voice box, a-"  
"The neccisities, Zack!" Angeal interupted.  
"Fineeeee... Two tape recorders, and a thermal imaging camera."  
"The items you need are in the supply closet downstairs." Angeal said.  
"Okay!" Zack replied getting up.  
"I'll get them." Sephiroth said, nodding to Angeal and receiving one in return.  
Zack sat down aprubtly. "Why does Shinra have ghost hunting gear anyway? Oh, I guess they have it in case of supernatual emergencies!" Eveyone shook there head as Angeal and Sephiroth facepalmed.  
"Okay, are you ready stalkers? I'm going down to the supply closet."  
"Yeah!" Zack shouted.  
"Don't. Be. Seen." Angeal warned.  
"Gotcha!"  
As Sephiroth headed out the door, the team did as they usually do during pranks, Keep out of sight.  
Zack just did as he usually did since no one would think anything of it, he followed Sephiroth like a clumsy panther, he did receive looks but was quickly shrugged off. Reno and Cloud crawled through the air ducts, with a backpack full of spy gear in tow, Reno in the lead, Reno knew the way through the catacomb of ducts like the back of his hand, how could he not, as he's always trying to sneak away unnoticed after he blows something up. They all had their earpieces in but turned off until someone wanted to talk.  
"Wha-?" Reno started.  
"What?"  
"I keep catching something on the camera then it disappears..."  
"Is it a ghost...?" Cloud asked disbelievingly.  
"I don't know. Call Zack while I scan at the next peep hole."  
"Hey Zack. There's something on the camera." Cloud said through his earpiece.  
"It looks like... A sillohette of someone... Oh Sh^#!"  
"What!?" Cloud could hear something from behind the grating, "Is that, singing? I can't make it out."  
"Oh goddess... Goddess please help me..." Reno curled up in a ball whimpering.  
"Hold on Zack we have a problem, continue your job. Seriously Reno, what did you see?"  
"My eyes, my eyes, it burns!"  
Cloud smacked him upside the head "Get ahold of yourself! What did you see!?"  
"Something I've never ever ever wanted to see!"  
"For god's sake Reno, what!?"  
"I-saw Hojo, in his bathroom, naked, dancing, and singing 'I'm too sexy!'"  
"Oh, my, good, lord Jesus... I feel your pain, I feel your pain..."  
"ACCCK! Cloud what should I do it's ingrained in my mind!?"  
"Go to your happy place, just go to your happy place... We should tell Zack." To Zack "Zack find a spot where you can talk to me without getting noticed."  
What the heck is going on? Zack wondered. "Okay Cloud I'm good. What happened?"  
Cloud started choking back laughter and he heard Reno yell "Yo, stop laughing a$#hole!"  
"Reno- saw- Hojo, in his bathroom, naked, dancing, and singing-'I'm too sexy!'" He couldn't control it any longer he just busted up laughing.  
"WHAT!?" Zack screamed so loud everyone in the cafeteria stopped and stared at him from his position behind a plant, even Sephiroth turned to see what happened. "OMG is that really what you heard Mr. Plant?" Zack asked the plant loudly. Everyone just shook their heads and resumed their meal. "Seriously, Cloud!? Video tape that! We are sooooooo posting that on the Shinra mainframe!"  
"Do you want everyone to barf uncontrollably and commit suicide?" Cloud asked seriously.  
"YES! Yes, sooooo worth it!"  
"Reno, Zack said place a camera, so we can post this on the Shinra mainframe."  
"Yo, your joking right? I seriously would claw out my eyeballs if I thought it would take the image away!... But, then everyone would have to suffer the same knowledge as me... Yo, let's do this!" Unfortunately to place a camera properly you have to look at your target, so Reno tried his best.  
"Okay, everyone back to the mission. Thank goodness we brought extra cameras." Zack snickered. "Oh, and by the way, we should keep our earpieces on." Following Sephiroth was hard for Reno and Cloud when they couldn't get the exact room through the air vents. The two were thanking, god that Zack stalked Sephiroth regularly or this wouldn't work. They made it back to the appartment without anymore excitement with Angeal waiting for them.  
"What happened all of you? It took you 35 minutes to go 2 floors below, and come back up."  
The trio fell to the floor laughing histericaly "Well if it wasn't for these clowns it would have been 15 minutes."  
"What in Gaia's name happened out there Zack?" Angeal asked.  
Zack tried to calm himself but he couldn't suppress his laughter. "Zack, if you don't act serious, I'll kick you out of SOLDIER!" Sephiroth snapped.  
Zack immediatly sat up and started talking "We, we had a problem. You see, the air vents don't exactly follow the certain path you took and so, while Reno was," Zack cleared his throat to help stop snickering "Surveying the area, with the camera through the grating he," he couldn't control it he just lost it.  
Cloud tried to help out next "Reno saw through the grating into, Hojo's," He lost it too.  
Reno tried to finish the story "Yo, I saw into Hojos, bathroom, and he was," he took a deep breath before continuing "Naked, dancing, and singing 'I'm too sexy!'"  
Sephiroth nearly gagged, while Angeal went paler, and paler into shock. "We have it on tape if you want to see it..." Zack asked devilishly.  
"No!" They both screamed. Sephiroth really couldn't take the thought anymore and ran to the bathroom. He was out of the restroom 20 minutes later to see the trio passed out from laughing so hard on his floor, and Angeal still out of it looking like a corpse. "Angeal?" No answer "Angeal!" he shouted, still no answer, He shook him "Angeal!" still he didn't show any signs of life.  
"Huh?" Zack grunted waking up. "Is something wrong with Angeal?" He asked hoarsely. The other two started to wake up. "OH, MY, GOD, HE'S DEAD! WE KILLED HIM!" Zack ran over to Angeal shaking him as best he could "WHY, WHY, WHY!? I killed one of my best friends..." He said solemnly collapsing into tears.  
"What in the name of the Goddess, is going on here? Seriously Sephy keep the noise down!" Genesis shouted as he opened the door "Oh, I thought it was the puppy... OH GODDESS YOU REALLY DID KILL HIM! MURDERDER!" Sephiroth was now back looking at this scene with Cloud and Reno trying not to laugh.  
"Genesis, I'm so sorry!" Zack was crying uncontrollably.  
"Very amusing, don't you think?" Sephiroth asked the duo.  
"Yeah!" Cloud and Reno snickered.  
Cloud looked over to the window briefly and saw a figure that darted away quickly. "HOLY S$%#!" Everyone stopped immediatly and stared "Zack, the ghost, it's-it's REAL!"  
Sephiroth screamed like a little girl and jumped into Genesis' arms. "After it team!" Zack yelled. They ran out to the balcony and like Sephiroth said before, it disappeared. "S&%* we lost it!"  
"Wait a minute Zack, the camera!" Cloud yelled.  
"Great job, Spikey!"  
They opened the laptop on the table that the feed was hooked up to. "Mommy please don't let me see it..." Sephiroth whimpered closing his eyes whilst still clutching Genesis.  
"What-what's going on?"  
Zack stopped what he was doing and shot up "ANGEAL YOUR ALIVE! I thought I killed you!"  
"Zack the footage!" Reno said.  
"You caught something!?" Angeal asked surprised.  
"Maybe, we have'ta look at the footage first though..." Zack answered.  
"You thought I was dead?" Angeal laughed "Why?"  
"You went into shock after you heard," Cloud glanced at Genesis "What we saw..."  
"How long was I out?"  
"Mmmm... Roughly 30 minutes." They all gauked at Reno "What? I'm a Turk, we have to know these things."  
"You have to know how to count!? Man, good thing I didn't decide to become a Turk." They gauked at him this time "A joke, a joke, seriously, sheesh. Last time I decide to be funny..."  
"Really? What about math, 5x 5?" Reno asked sarcasticaly.  
"25."  
"Ahhhmmmm... 26 x 99?"  
"Seriously Reno? That's easy, 2574!"  
"I think I might be the one to go into shock this time..." Sephiroth said seriously.  
"Sephy, seriously, have you been up there this whole time?" Zack asked.  
"Yes, he has..." Genesis said "He won't let go."  
"Well, you could've just said you didn't want to hold me anymore..." Sephiroth said getting down. "And if any one of you tell anyone about this I will torture you until you die from the pain, and then I'll use a Phoenix Down and do it all again..."  
"Sure, Sephy whatever... Now does anyone want to see what we've got?" Sephiroth jumped on Genesis again, but this time Genesis let him fall to the floor.  
Sephiroth rubbed his backside "I'll get you for that Genny..."  
Everyone but, Sephiroth walked over to see the footage, he grabbed a pillow on the couch and gave it a death hug, which made thousands of chocobo down explode into his face.  
"What the heck did you do Seph?" Angeal asked.  
"Can someone hold me?" Sephiroth squeaked.  
"I volunteer Zack," Genesis said.  
"Second!" Reno said.  
"Noooo, I wanna see the footage!" Zack whined.  
Angeal sighed "Come here Seph, I'll hold you..."  
"I don't wanna see it..."  
"Okay..." Angeal went over and held Sephiroth awkwardly.


	3. The Prank Team

"What is that...?" Reno asked as the clip started.  
Everyone leaned in further, and squinted at the scene "I can barely make it out from this angle and the darkness, but I think, it's a woman." Zack said.  
"Ohhhh- Sephiroth's got a lady ghost tagging along with him." Reno smirked.  
"Wait a min. She runs off the edge of the screen. Ghosts don't run, they fade don't they?" Zack said. "Cloud! See where she could've gone out there."  
"Kay." Cloud ran outside with his flashlight and looked around, sure enough, there was an air duct she climbed into, he knew for sure, there was a piece of pink cloth stuck on the edge of the grating. He ripped off the evidence and walked back slowly.  
"So?"  
"Turns out it's not a ghost."  
"How do you know for sure?"  
He held up the pink cloth "This was stuck on the grating to the air vent!" Everyone ran over to examine it "Turns out Sephiroth's got a stalker, not a ghost."  
Sephiroth visibly relaxed and jumped away from Angeal "I knew it all along. Good job, you passed the test with flying colors. But, one mystery still remains; who is this stalker?"  
"Oh, shove it Sephy, your not fooling anyone!" Genesis snapped.  
Sephiroth went to go after Genesis. "You two! Stop it! We have to work together to find out who it is and punish them... And they must also have a long talk about honor, and dreams..." Angeal butted in.  
"Fine. As long as Sephy doesn't lie anymore..."  
"Genesis..." Angeal warned.  
"Well, what should we do?" Cloud asked.  
"Burn them!" Genesis yelled.  
"Why, aren't you mad at Seph?" Zack asked.  
"Well, to tell the truth I, actually haven't burned anything in a while, and I think I'm having withdrawls..." Genesis replied nonchalantly.  
"Gen, just this morning you, left 5 3rds, 3 2nds, 13 infantrymen, and 7 lunchladys, with third degree burns, after you 'got mad' in the cafeteria." Angeal said.  
"Well, they should have listened to me when I asked them for the remaining bon-bons..."  
"Well, then how could you be having withdrawls? And also there were no more bon-bons!"  
"Lies, lies and propaganda! I saw them shoving there fat face's with my precious bon-bons! And I said 'awhile' geez learn to listen Geal!"  
"Yo, if we don't hurry she's gonna get away!" Reno yelled.  
"Agreed but first we need a plan..." Angeal said.  
"Ohhh! Ohhh! Can I be Scooby Doo?" Zack asked.  
"Focus Zackary!" Angeal roared.  
Zack whimpered like a puppy "Well I got an idea..."  
"What is it?" Angeal sighed.  
"We set a trap!" Zack gleefully responded.  
"And how do we do that in the Shinra building, praytell?" Sephiroth asked sarcasticaly. "It's not like we can show the Security Force the picture, we'd gain nothing from that. Then the stalker would be alerted and get away..."  
"Yo, did you forget who you were talking to? We're proffessional pranksters remember?" Reno replied.  
Sephiroth sighed "What do you have in mind?"  
"Well, first..." Zack started.

"All ready on this end." Cloud said, through the earpiece.  
"Ready!" Zack shouted.  
"Ready!" Reno said.  
"Why do I have to be a part of this?" Genesis groaned.  
"Don't you want to burn them?" Zack asked.  
"Okay!" Genesis replied happily.  
"No, ones burning anyone!" Angeal said.  
"Awww come on Geal!" Genesis, Reno, and Zack begged.  
"No!"  
"Let's hurry up, idiots!"  
"Yes, Sephy..." Genesis said.  
Reno sat at the laptop in Sephiroth's appartment, hacking into the mainframe that displayed all the air ducts in the building, that also located anything living in them, in case of invasion. "Okay, found her, she's on the floor below us heading in Zacks direction."  
"Hah! Knew it!" Zack exclaimed adjusting the backpack.  
"Is that why you wanted to be at that spot!? No fair Zack!" Genesis yelled.  
"Fair is my last name Genny poo!"  
"You say that again and I'll burn you alive!"  
"Oh, Genny poo, don't be mad!" Zack tested.  
"Thats it PUPPY, your DEAD! I'm going to kill you slowly as soon as this is all over!"  
"I'll help!" Sephiroth replied.  
"But, but, I'm helping you Sephy... This whole plan was my idea!"  
"No worries Zack, I put too much effort into your training to have someone kill you early!" Angeal said.  
"Yo, she's right above you! Heading towards... Oh s$%^!"  
"What happened Reno!?" Angeal asked worried.  
"Oh, god, oh, god... She-she's heading towards the President's suite!"  
"WHAT!" Everyone yelled.  
"President Shinra is Sephy's stalker!?" Zack questioned. "What in Gaia's name do I do Sephy!?"  
"I- uhhh-I- don't know..." Sephiroth admitted.  
"Do we confront him or wait?" Cloud asked.  
"Let's wait she might go right past his suite... Hopefully..." Angeal said.  
"Phew, your right Geal, she hung a left, towards... The staircase!"  
"On my way!" Zack said, as he ran towards the staircase, hoping to catch this mystery woman. "Where'd she go Reno?"  
"Your a little ahead of her..." Reno watched as the red dot bleeped towards Zacks location. The red dot suddenly disappeared. "S$^^! She disappeared from the map! I'm checking all other ducts in the building..." He found her again "How in Gaia's name did she get to the lower basement so fast!?"  
"What!?" Sephiroth asked.  
"OOOOH, there must be a slide!" Zack said hopping and clapping.  
"But, how, I know those ducts like the back of my hand, I use them every day!... There is no way she could ever get from this floor to the Lower Basement in 5 seconds!"  
"She is a ghost!" Sephiroth yelled.  
"Sephy take a chill pill! Tell me, how could the ghost leave cloth behind!?"  
"I don't care what you idiots think or do I'm going down there now!" Genesis yelled.  
"Yeah! Let's catch her!" Cloud agreed.  
"Last one to the basement is afraid of little ghoulies!" Zack taunted. "I ain't 'fraid a no ghost!"  
"Hey Cloud, could you take over for me?" Reno asked.  
"Sure, why?"  
"I'm gonna find that slide!" Cloud came to take over for Reno, a little disappointed he'd miss the action, but a little relieved as well, this was an important job that had to be done. Reno climbed into the air ducts immediatly "Hey Cloud, direct me to the last point we saw her, I marked it for you in green."  
"Kay."  
"Dang it! We're only on the 23 floor! It's gonna take forever!"  
"Patience, Zackary." Angeal said patting his shoulder in the medium sized elevator, with also Genesis, and Sephiroth.  
"Oh, my, gosh!" Zack exclaimed smiling widely at Angeal.  
"What?" Angeal asked quizzacaly.  
"You are Yoda! Patience young grasshopper. May the force be with you!"  
"You idiot, Yoda never said that! It's from that that TV series 'Kung Fu'!" Genesis exclaimed. They all stared at him.  
"You do stuff other than quote 'Loveless' and burn things?" Zack asked amazed.  
"Well, doesn't everybody!?"  
"Most people don't quote 'Loveless' and only a handful of people know how to start fires and not burn to death." Sephiroth said.  
"He's special!" Zack said.  
They heard Cloud talk over the earpiece "Kay, Reno, you are at the exact point she disappeared."  
"What the hell!? Nothing's here!"  
"Maybe there's a trap door!" Zack said excitedly.  
"I'll feel around." They heard the sound of scraping metal then Reno cursed and yelled.  
"Are you okay, Reno!?" Angeal asked concerned.  
"Finally..."  
"I heard that Genesis! Yeah, I'm good. When I felt around the trap door opened below me, an I couldn't catch myself so I hit my head on the other side of the hole..."  
Sephiroth, Genesis, and Zack, burst out laughing. "You three straighten up! He could have been seriously injured! Do you even care about your honor and dreams gentlemen?"  
"Here we go again," Sephiroth groaned.  
"I'm going in."  
"Be careful Reno." Angeal warned.  
"Geronimo!" They heard him slide down quickly in as little as five seconds he hit the bottom with a slight thump.  
"Shoot, we should have all gone that way!" Genesis whined. "It would be much faster!"  
"I know I wanna slide!"  
"You do realize we just hit the bottom ourselves, don't you?" Sephiroth asked.  
"I still wanna slide!... I wonder how she gets back up?"  
"We can ask her ourselves in a minute. Cloud, make sure to tell us if anything goes in those vents." Angeal ordered.  
"Yes, sir."  
"Woah, it's dark down here. Where are the lights."  
"Got em." Zack said, as the lights flickered on one by one.  
"Damn, Mako." Reno muttered. They all looked around the room to find nothing out of the ordinary, no sign that the woman had just been there.  
"I told you! It is a ghost!" Sephiroth's teeth started to chatter.  
"There's probably another trap door around here." Zack said. Eveyone looked around the room except Sephiroth who backed himself into the wall slowly. Everyone heard such a high-pitched sound, some of the glass around the room fell to the floor, but just as quickly as it happened it stopped with a dead silence.


	4. Discovery

"What in god's name was that!?" Zack asked.  
"Jesus Christ! I heard that over the speaker, what was that!?" Cloud yelled.  
"Oh goddess please protect me from the hell that has arisen from these deep dark depths!"  
"Yo, god, if your up there, I just want to apologize for all the things I've done, especially recently, like when I 'accidently' scorched Genesis's favorite blanket with my lighter and cigarettes. I will try to turn away from my sins and redeem myself in you lord oh holy father, if you hear my plea, please protect me from the evil, that lurks in this tower." Reno prayed aloud.  
"Hey what about me!?" Zack yelled.  
"That was you!? I had to throw away Blanky Boo Bah thanks to you!"  
"I said 'accidently', and Zack, your agnostic!"  
"I know! That's why I can't pray myself, so I'm screwed!"  
"Blanky Boo Bah?" Cloud snickered.  
"I'll kill you too Strife..." Genesis said coldly. Cloud gulped in reply.  
"Everyone, we have a serious problem, Sephiroth's missing!" Angeal yelled.  
"What!? He was right behind us!" Genesis yelled.  
"Told you, trap door!" Zack replied matter-of-factly "Most likely he leaned on a wall and it fell through closing back up!"  
"Sephiroth! Sephiroth, can you hear me!? Where's your location!?" Angeal yelled through the earpiece. No reply.  
"Oh, no! She's got Sephy what do we do!?" Zack screamed.  
"We leave and never return, because if we do we'll likely all die!" Genesis screeched.  
"HELL HATH BROKEN LOOSE AND TAKEN SOMEONE WE ALL CARE FOR! SEPHIROTH, YOU WILL BE MISSED!" Zack screamed and ran around in circles.  
"You idiots!" Angeal screamed, "There are no such things as ghosts! We are Shinra employees! Not children! We are tough! Where are your honor and dreams?" Zack stopped running and quieted down.  
"Screw honor! My dream is to get the hell out of here!" Genesis screamed.  
A soft womanly voice seemed to come from everywhere "Oh, Sephy, so you've finally come to me at last... I knew you would! Our love is as strong as a diamond rope!"  
"What the? Who the heck was that?" Angeal asked.  
"I told you the ghost has him now! She's in love with him, so she stole him from us! We better get out of here or we'll be next!" Zack started running around again screaming.  
"We'll be together forever, my love, your all mine! No one else can have you, if they tried," The voice went deeper to the sound of a very gruff man "I'd kill them!"  
Everyone but Cloud and Angeal started screaming like little girls "Did you hear that!? I told you she's gonna kill us!" Genesis screamed running for the elevator, with Zack and Reno close behind.  
Angeal didn't even have to stop them the power went out before they got to the elevator, making the trio of screamers to hit a new octave "Shut up! Jesus Christ! You three are killing my ears! If someone screams again I'll kill them!" Cloud screamed over the earpiece, making them stop in their tracks, and go silent like a dear caught in the headlights.  
"Thank you, Strife, I didn't know you had it in you!"  
"Thanks Angeal."  
"Spikey..." Zack started crying "You-you yelled at-meeee!"  
"I said shut it!" Zack shut his mouth and whimpered slightly. "Thank you, Zack."  
Zack meekly responded "... Mhhmm..."  
"Okay everyone, do you have your flashlights?" Angeal asked, everyone nodded in reply, afraid to speak because they've never, in all the time they've known him, heard Cloud so angry. "Okay good, now. Sephiroth was last seen here." He pointed to a spot on the ground "He didn't go past us, so he must've remained right in this area. Start looking."  
The trio searched the area reluctantly, hoping not to incure the wrath of the spirit. "Geal.." Genesis squeaked.  
"Yes, Genesis?"  
"Over here, I found the-" He gulped "Trap door."  
"Good job Genesis." Seeing his pleading look he said "I'll go first, IF, you three cover me."  
"Okay," They said.  
Angeal pushed the trap door open and saw, surprisingly, working lights, with new bulbs, lighting a narrow tunnel. "There must be a generator in here..." He looked down and picked something up, "Sephiroth's earpiece, we're on the right track men."  
"I'll uhh-stay here to uhh- 'cover' you all."  
Angeal looked back "That's a good idea Reno, make sure no one comes through here." Reno let out a hefty thankful sigh. "No leaving. You hear me? Or Tseng will have a little chat with you after I'm done with my lesson for you." Reno tensed.  
"Sissy!" Zack hissed at Reno as Angeal turned around, Reno stuck out his tongue in reply.  
"Knock it off both of you." Angeal said without turning. Angeal, Genesis, and Zack followed the light filled tunnel.  
"Woah, it's like we're going back in time! Trippy!" Genesis just shook his head "You know what I mean, the further we go the older the tunnel looks!"  
"Your right Zack, they must've been building this tunnel slowly from the direction we're going to Shinra HQ. This must be how she snuck in, we've got to find out what lies on the other side and tell President Shinra, or else our enemies will walk right in unnoticed." Angeal whispered.  
The tunnel seemed to go on quite a ways "Are we there yet?" Zack whined.  
"How would we know puppy?" Genesis snapped.  
"How long have we been walking?" Angeal asked whoever could answer.  
"From when you left Reno 25 minutes." Cloud replied.  
"Sheesh! This tunnel goes on forever!" Zack complained.  
Angeal stopped which forced Genesis to collide into his back, and Zack into his. "Get off me puppy!" Genesis said pushing Zack to the ground.  
"Shhh!" Angeal whispered shutting them up. "There's a door, stay quiet and follow me." Angeal turned the knob and opened the door slightly.


	5. Answers

"Oh my lovely Sephy!" They heard Sephiroth grunt, he was apparantly gagged. "No no, don't you try to struggle my dear!" Sephiroth started making louder noises like he was trying to break free from something, and protest. "Sephy!" She screeched, "Stop, moving! Oh, I didn't mean to yell at you like that sweetheart, please forgive me!" Angeal tried to peek through the crack, he saw the side of a big muscular looking woman with long blonde hair, a white blouse, a pink skirt, and matching high-heels, in front of a table, with Sephiroth's feet tied to it This is no ghost but, how in the world did she tie up Sephiroth? Let alone pick him up! He's the toughest man in SOLDIER! She may look strong but still! Zack made a slight shuffle with his feet which echoed throughout the tunnel and through the cracked door. "Sephy, are those people stupid enough to interupt our alone time together? You stay right here, I'll take care of them." Her voice changed again "They will never bother us again!"  
Zack screeched and almost fled, but Angeal grabbed him "Stand your ground SOLDIER!" The door opened revealing what actually appeared to be a buff hairy man, with 5 o'clock shadow. "What in Gaia's name!?"  
"That's not a ghost, that's a man!" Genesis laughed ridiculously, sending Zack giggling histaricaly down to the floor with him.  
"How rude! I'm obviously not a man! But of course you sexist pigs wouldn't understand that!"  
"Uhhhhh, why did you take Sephiroth?" Angeal asked.  
"Your asking me why I 'took' my lover down to our honeymoon suite!?" Reno and Cloud were heard laughing like mad on the other end of the earpiece.  
"I'm sending this to the Shinra mainframe immediatly!" Genesis said.  
"Already on it!" Cloud replied laughing.  
"You will not, Cadet Strife!" Angeal roared, Cloud grew silent.  
"Dooooo iiiittttt, doooo iittttt! This is your conscience speaking."  
"Zackary Fair!"  
"Doooooo iiiitttt, doooo iiiittt! I am the other part of your conscience!"  
"Genesis Rhapsodos!"  
"Yo, do it I've got your back!"  
"So do I!" The other two replied.  
"Live a longer life, or have the time of my life, I dunno..."  
"Strife, Fair, Rhapsodos, and Sinclair, if you do this you will be-" He couldn't take it anymore he had kept silent to long he couldn't suppress it anymore he laughed so hard he started choking and gasping for air. "F-forget, that... I'll back you up too!"  
They heard a loud protest from Sephiroth, like he was trying to scream 'I'll kill you all!' repeatedly through the gag.  
"Sending, it'll be up on every device with a screen in the Shinra building, in 6 hours, all of it."  
"Wait a minute! No! You better edit out the bit about my blanky or I'll tear you to shreds!"  
"To late already hit send..."  
"You son of a #%$^*! I'll murder you every way imaginable! You won't live to tell of this! I'll break that $^$%^$% laptop over your %^$#^^& skull!"  
"Geez calm down, I was just kidding I didn't hit send yet! I'll edit it out sheesh!"  
"Wha- really?"  
"Yeah, I'm not that crazy!"  
"Awwww Cloud why? We would've helped you out with him too!" Zack whined.  
"Yo dude, seriously? Man your a chicken s%$^!" Reno complained.  
"Sorry guys..."  
"Excuse me, you forgot about me! How dare you laugh at me and my honey pie!"  
"Release, the General.. Mam.. We don't want to involve the Shinra army do we?"  
"Release? What do you mean release!? He's here of his own free will! He's my sugar pie honey dumpling! Now if you don't wanna get hurt I suggest you leave!"  
Zack snorted loudly "Dude, your against three SOLDIERS!"  
"Just because your in the army doesn't mean your so tough!" He snapped his fingers before his voice changed "I'll kill you!" He roared, lunging at them.  
"How are we supposed to fight in this cramped tunnel?" Zack yelled.  
"I'll make it bigger if you want!" Genesis yelled happily.  
The whole party yelled "No!"  
"Geez, I was trying to help out!"  
"That weak guy is right, it's to cramped in here, let's go into my backyard."  
"Weak!?"  
Genesis laughed loudly, Zack glared the worst glare he knew, but it didn't even phase Genesis. "Follow me." It replied. The transvestite led the SOLDIERS right past Sephiroth, who glared at them like 'Get me out of here! Or you will regret it!'  
Angeal asked "Can Zack stay behind with Sephiroth since he's too weak to fight?"  
"Geal!"  
Angeal slyly winked at him. "Hmm... I guess it's okay but, I'll know if he tries anything, Sephy will tell me! Then I'll come rescue him! Like a knight saves a princess!..." He/she let out a lovelorn sigh. Genesis tried to control his laughter. Until this was all over at least. Zack kept fighting to hold his back, but every few seconds one would slip. Sephiroth glared menacingly at Zack, which made his laughter worse. After the transvestite, Genesis, and Angeal left. Zack pulled out his phone.  
Sephiroth grunted like 'Don't even think about it!' "Just two pics Sephy, for my profile page!" 'Don't!' Zack took one whole picture of Sephiroth and, one picture of Sephiroth and himself. Then sent them to the laptop, and erased them from his phone. "Okay Sephy, time to free you from your psychotic transvestite stalker wife..." Sephiroth gave a glare that could wilt a flower, scare the living daylights out of Bahamut, and send a behemoth running away tail between its legs, unfortunately Zack was none of these, "Now, Sephy, don't look at your savior like that, you know, I could just leave you here after hiding this video camera..." Sephiroth paled considerably "But, I'm your best friend so I would never do that... Now let's undo this gag." He undid the gag and Sephiroth spat it out.  
"If you even think about doing that you'll-"  
"Die, I know.."  
"Now, hurry up!"  
"Fine, fine okay." Zack tried to undo the wrist cuffs "Damn, these must be SOLDIER proof!"  
"Are you that much of a retard!? If they weren't SOLDIER proof I could have done it myself!"  
"Then how are we gonna get you out?"  
"Find something!"  
"Hold on one minute..." Zack said examining the cuffs "Ahhh I was right..."  
"What?"  
"They need a key."  
"#%^&! Find it!"  
"Kay..." Zack searched the room from top to bottom looking for any secret panels or trap doors and came up empty handed. "I'll check this room." He pointed towards the door across from Sephiroth's head, he peeked in "Hoooollllyyyy crud!"  
"What's in there Zack?" From Sephiroth's position he couldn't even see the door.  
"Bon-bons, men's hair conditioner, deoderant.." He pulled out the deoderant and walked to where Sephiroth could see "Is this yours?"  
"... Not anymore..."  
Zack dropped it like it spontaneously combusted "Eww yuck.." He said wiping his hands on Sephiroth's trench coat. "Got any hand sanitizer?"  
"I dunno, let me check, oh wait, I'm tied up. No I don't have any $%^&*( hand sanitizer moron! And if you wipe your filthy fingers on my trench coat again you will die!"  
"Yeah, whatever..." Zack walked back over to the door way. "Oh, gross! Someone's dirty underwear are in here! Oh, god, that smells!"  
"Glad I didn't come along." Cloud said. "Point the camera in there so everyone at Shinra can know what's in there!"  
"Will do!" Zack said gleefully.  
"What did those idiots ask you to do?"  
"Who?"  
"You know very well 'who'! Cloud and Reno."  
"What? No silly, I was talking to Steve just now," Sephiroth raised an eyebrow, as Zack just started animating his conversation with 'Steve' "Are you blind Sephy!? Oh, my god Steve, that transvestite must have blinded him somehow, he can't even see you!"  
"Zack stop fooling around." Sephiroth warned.  
"Oh, my god! He can't hear you either! No Steve, that does not give you an excuse to insult him!... Steve! Your language is worse then Sephiroth's!... Steve that's rude!... No Steve I will not set his hair on fire for you!... Really? Well if you put it that way..." Zack stepped closer to Sephiroth.  
"Zack, don't even think of touching my hair!"  
"Bu-but Steve said-"  
"I don't care Zack, don't touch my hair!"  
"Steve told me that if I lit your hair on fire, when the stalker comes back she wouldn't think you were Sephy anymore and would let you go..."  
"No Zack, no! Bad puppy!"  
"Steeeeeve you got me in trouble again, why do I always do what you tell me to? That's not true! Your a liar Steve!" Zack started crying "I thought you were my friend! No, go, I don't want you here anymore! It would be better for all of us! Go away! Go away! Go away!" Zack started swatting at thin air "Why are you haunting me Steve!? Please, go away!" Zack fell to the ground as if someone punched him in the gut, he lay whimpering.  
"O-kay..."  
"Sephy," he wailed "He won't leave me alone!"  
"Zack, I think you need to see your psychiatrist again."  
"I've tried, but usually they run away after 10 minutes of talking to me..."  
"It's amazing they've stayed that long..." Sephiroth muttered.  
"You say something Sephy?"  
"No, now find that key!"  
` Zack got up reluctantly and dug through all the gross objects that used to belong to Sephiroth. "Sephiroth?"  
"What?" Sephiroth sighed.  
"If this is all your stuff, why are the missing Bon-bons in here?"  
"My precious Bon-bons!?" Genesis asked jumping up and down "Gimme!" He said running into the room and pushing Zack out of the way. "Ohhh, delicious delectable yummy goodness, I have found you at last, and you will never be stolen from me again!... Ewww Sephy, put away your stinky old underwear!"  
Angeal finally stepped through the doorway "What happened to Sephy's wife?" Zack asked.  
Angeal held back a snigger "Uhhh we tied 'her' up out in the hallway. Why are you still tied up?"  
"'Cause moron here hasn't found the key to the cuffs yet!"  
"Oh, so that's what this key's for." He pulled a pink key with a heart-shaped bow out of his pocket."  
"Thank the gods.." Sephiroth sighed with relief. Angeal walked over and undid the locks releasing Sephiroth's limbs. "Why did it take you so long to save me!?"  
"Well these two ran around screaming 'she' was a ghost, which was very distracting."  
"Ah... Well," Sephiroth got up "Time to check the extent of the damage." He walked over towards the door to his stuff "Don't think I haven't forgotten Zackary... I will delete those pictures and videos..." He then rummaged through his stuff.  
"What pictures?" Angeal asked quietly.  
"Just some keepers. I sent them to your laptop before I deleted the message off my phone." Zack whispered back.  
"Good idea."  
"I sent them to a seperate computer already so he won't find it." Cloud said.  
"Another great idea."  
"Oh, here's the last case of my Lanta."  
"WHAT!? Sephiroth, you've done it, you've really done it! I've tried for years, but you won! Congratulations Sephy, after all that's happened, you deserve it!"  
"... What...?" Angeal and Sephiroth asked.  
"This is big news voices, he's done it, completed the impossible! He's found, The Lost City of Atlantis!"'  
"Zack, in the morning, we are definately getting you checked out." Sephiroth said.


End file.
